Tunbetnurlken is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, charitable gnu.

Tunbetnurlken created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tunbetnurlken, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tunbetnurlken, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tunbetnurlken's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Tunbetnurlken's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to whales while wearing ear rings.

2. Never laugh near capybaras.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never talk about hamsters.