Dunshavpon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, narcissistic deer.

Dunshavpon created life four years ago.

If you believe in Dunshavpon, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dunshavpon, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dunshavpon's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Dunshavpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Do not wear black clothing.