Dingarcud is a god.

She takes the form of a large, slow goose.

Dingarcud created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dingarcud, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dingarcud, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dingarcud's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Dingarcud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear copper on your body.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Dingarcud must be the most important thing in your life.

5. You must pray to Dingarcud seven times a day.