Lopnakwit is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, flying unicorn.

Lopnakwit created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopnakwit, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lopnakwit, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lopnakwit's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Lopnakwit's Holy Commandments

1. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never paint your arms mauve.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Put Lopnakwit first in all things.