Monquillhig is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless clam.

Monquillhig created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Monquillhig, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Monquillhig, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Monquillhig's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Monquillhig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Monquillhig.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak about peas.