Mutgebflow is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unthoughtful coyote.

Mutgebflow created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mutgebflow, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Mutgebflow, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Mutgebflow's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Mutgebflow's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Put Mutgebflow first in all things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Monkeys are not to be trusted.