Lapcisstun is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, stupid weasel.

Lapcisstun created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcisstun, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lapcisstun, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lapcisstun's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Lapcisstun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never think about dark energy near otters while wearing green tights and balancing six aluminium spheres on your head.

5. Never talk about moons.