Veentinstig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, bad-tempered walrus.

Veentinstig created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veentinstig, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Veentinstig, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Veentinstig's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Veentinstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Veentinstig on top of all buildings.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Veentinstig.

3. Do not take Veentinstig's name in vain.

4. Do not dye your hair cyan.

5. Never wear dresses.