Bamjonpad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, overgenerous scorpion.

Bamjonpad created a strange quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Bamjonpad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bamjonpad, she will destroy your home solar system.

Bamjonpad's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Bamjonpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Do not take Bamjonpad's name in vain.

4. Run away from pink sharks, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed lots of oranges to seals while wearing red coats.