Bepgoftip is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent gorilla.

Bepgoftip created the planet Venus two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepgoftip, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bepgoftip, he will be mildly annoyed.

Bepgoftip's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bepgoftip's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never think about optics near sheep while wearing purple kilts and balancing six zinc spheres on your face.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never paint your head blue.