Padtoffat Sitsigsid is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, all-powerful grasshopper.

Padtoffat Sitsigsid created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Padtoffat Sitsigsid, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Padtoffat Sitsigsid, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Padtoffat Sitsigsid's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Padtoffat Sitsigsid's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of wheat to dogs while wearing turquoise ear rings.

2. Always look after injured porpoises.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Never mention shrews.

5. Never think ill of sick goats.