Sanddagquart is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unthoughtful beaver.

Sanddagquart created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sanddagquart, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sanddagquart, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Sanddagquart's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Sanddagquart's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Sanddagquart.

2. Sanddagquart loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Hide if five swans approach from the north.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never talk about special relativity near grasshopers while wearing turquoise hats and balancing four aluminium spheres on your face.