Metlargbus is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, egotistical frog.

Metlargbus created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metlargbus, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metlargbus, it will turn you into a tree.

Metlargbus' most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Metlargbus' Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick swans.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Never mention mice.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about fire.