Tikyarpbast is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, confident crab.

Tikyarpbast created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Tikyarpbast, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tikyarpbast, he will think nothing of it.

Tikyarpbast's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tikyarpbast's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never feed corn to foxes while wearing fawn boots.

3. Tikyarpbast loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

4. Always treat swans with great respect.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tikyarpbast.