Bumsanpigteen is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unthoughtful raccoon.

Bumsanpigteen created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Bumsanpigteen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bumsanpigteen, he will remove you from existence.

Bumsanpigteen's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bumsanpigteen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Bumsanpigteen in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing mauve jumpers and balancing nine carbon spheres on your neck.

4. Hide if five goats approach from the east.

5. Never look at planets.