Sagarpster is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, capable alligator.

Sagarpster created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagarpster, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sagarpster, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sagarpster's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Sagarpster's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three nickel sculptures of Sagarpster on top of important buildings.

2. You must love Sagarpster.

3. Never think about optics.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never run in holy places.