Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, duplicitous donkey.

Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Stanbarnquat Tapflowdog's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near hamsters.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.