Joptik Bumquillzimhot is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, prudent bird.

Joptik Bumquillzimhot created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joptik Bumquillzimhot, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Joptik Bumquillzimhot, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Joptik Bumquillzimhot's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Joptik Bumquillzimhot's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Sheep are not to be trusted.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near swans while wearing black kilts and balancing four platinum spheres on your hands.