Vanlopgonget is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair scorpion.

Vanlopgonget created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanlopgonget, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vanlopgonget, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vanlopgonget's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Vanlopgonget's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always look after injured birds.