Farngilmet is a god.

He takes the form of a small, omnipotent salamander.

Farngilmet created dark matter four years ago.

If you believe in Farngilmet, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Farngilmet, he will boil you in a big pot.

Farngilmet's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Farngilmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Hide from indigo gulls for they are unholy.

3. Never feed lots of melons to moths while wearing mauve skirts.

4. Put Farngilmet first in all things.

5. Never paint your back turquoise.