Damfunmob Mabsitcud is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, almighty hippopotamus.

Damfunmob Mabsitcud created the world seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damfunmob Mabsitcud, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Damfunmob Mabsitcud, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Damfunmob Mabsitcud's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Damfunmob Mabsitcud's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Run away if seven aardvarks approach from the west.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.