Hakcissteen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, benevolent grasshopper.

Hakcissteen created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Hakcissteen, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Hakcissteen, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Hakcissteen's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Hakcissteen's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hakcissteen.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near goats while wearing brown rings and balancing seven silicon spheres on your head.

3. Do not kill monkeys.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not keep five eagles in a large pit.