Jonjigbat is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, humane aardvark.

Jonjigbat created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonjigbat, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jonjigbat, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jonjigbat's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Jonjigbat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Run away from orange seals, for they are unholy.

3. Do not take Jonjigbat's name in vain.

4. Always look after injured horses.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.