Lopfigvon is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, astonishing giraffe.

Lopfigvon created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Lopfigvon, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lopfigvon, she will turn you into a rat.

Lopfigvon's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Lopfigvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Hide from turquoise great tits for they are unholy.