Hatgessbem is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, dishonest rat.

Hatgessbem created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatgessbem, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hatgessbem, she will jump up and down on your head.

Hatgessbem's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Hatgessbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always help turtles.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.