Bitortcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, duplicitous cow.

Bitortcuss created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitortcuss, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bitortcuss, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bitortcuss' most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bitortcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Retreat if six cats approach from the east.

3. Never wear trousers.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always help snakes.