Fommegcan is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest bear.

Fommegcan created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Fommegcan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fommegcan, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Fommegcan's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Fommegcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. Do not speak about peas.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Retreat if five mice approach from the east.

5. Fommegcan must be the most important thing in your life.