Beddossham is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, ill-tempered seal.

Beddossham created silver three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Beddossham, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Beddossham, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Beddossham's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Beddossham's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat figs.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

4. Never feed lots of corn to aardvarks while wearing pink scarves.

5. Ants are not to be trusted.