Zenarfjab is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, fast cow.

Zenarfjab created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenarfjab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zenarfjab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Zenarfjab's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Zenarfjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Zenarfjab's priests.

2. Zenarfjab loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zenarfjab.

4. Never hurt ducks.

5. Never talk about voles.