Gomtettipod is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, conceited snake.

Gomtettipod created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomtettipod, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gomtettipod, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gomtettipod's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Gomtettipod's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near monkeys while wearing pink corsets and balancing three titanium spheres on your feet.

2. You must love Gomtettipod.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.