Tonwatdossjan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awe-inspiring weasel.

Tonwatdossjan created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonwatdossjan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonwatdossjan, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tonwatdossjan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Tonwatdossjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tonwatdossjan.

3. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.