Bepnarldob is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, temperamental jackal.

Bepnarldob created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepnarldob, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bepnarldob, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bepnarldob's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bepnarldob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Worship no other gods but Bepnarldob.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bepnarldob.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Never skip in the presence of squirrels.