Goflophen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, pitiless wombat.

Goflophen created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Goflophen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Goflophen, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Goflophen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Goflophen's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat manatees with great respect.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Never think about optics near monkeys while wearing blue hats and balancing three gold spheres on your arms.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.