Vadkadlen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, witless walrus.

Vadkadlen created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadkadlen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vadkadlen, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vadkadlen's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Vadkadlen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Never talk about gravity near hamsters while wearing turquoise scarves and balancing five silicon spheres on your arms.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.