Talquaftonkpak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered lion.

Talquaftonkpak created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talquaftonkpak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Talquaftonkpak, he will strike you with lightening.

Talquaftonkpak's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Talquaftonkpak's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never feed lots of corn to bats while wearing cyan stockings.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.