Tomfitweg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, charitable bear.

Tomfitweg created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomfitweg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tomfitweg, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tomfitweg's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tomfitweg's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tomfitweg.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near sharks while wearing black stockings and balancing three lead spheres on your head.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.