Fassterfigflab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless snake.

Fassterfigflab created the Andromeda Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fassterfigflab, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fassterfigflab, it will turn you into a puffin.

Fassterfigflab's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Fassterfigflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about turtles.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Never talk about enzymes.