Yakkemstik is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional hedgehog.

Yakkemstik created the Andromeda Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yakkemstik, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yakkemstik, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Yakkemstik's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yakkemstik's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Yakkemstik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Yakkemstik loves birds, so they must be respected.