Nellwikwap is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, omniscient bird.

Nellwikwap created parasitic wasps seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nellwikwap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nellwikwap, it will be very sad.

Nellwikwap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nellwikwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about archaea.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Retreat if four manatees approach from the north.

4. Worship no other gods but Nellwikwap.

5. Never talk about special relativity near ducks while wearing mauve shirts.