Fumtarpwadpin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, conceited goose.

Fumtarpwadpin created an atom seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fumtarpwadpin, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fumtarpwadpin, he will refuse to believe in you.

Fumtarpwadpin's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fumtarpwadpin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Fumtarpwadpin on top of all buildings.

3. Do not kill mites.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.