Witkabflow Hogwiggun is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, benevolent whale.

Witkabflow Hogwiggun created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Witkabflow Hogwiggun, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Witkabflow Hogwiggun, he will curse you with boils.

Witkabflow Hogwiggun's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Witkabflow Hogwiggun's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of doves.

2. Feed all hungry manatees.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.