Jopgoncin is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, overgenerous dugong.

Jopgoncin created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopgoncin, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopgoncin, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Jopgoncin's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jopgoncin's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Always obey Jopgoncin's priests.

3. Never think about dark energy.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never go into black rooms.