Kiktensas Tonksomjophig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, egotistical zebra.

Kiktensas Tonksomjophig created a Higgs boson eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kiktensas Tonksomjophig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kiktensas Tonksomjophig, he will turn you into a tree.

Kiktensas Tonksomjophig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kiktensas Tonksomjophig's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of monkeys.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not hurt snakes.

4. Do not kill nematodes.

5. Respect your elders.