Loptigmif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish giraffe.

Loptigmif created the Black Eye Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Loptigmif, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loptigmif, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Loptigmif's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Loptigmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Never write about special relativity.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

5. Do not keep four great tits in a large pit.