Bembemlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tranquil goat.

Bembemlarp created Africa five million years ago.

If you believe in Bembemlarp, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bembemlarp, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bembemlarp's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bembemlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near birds.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.