Hapkemmonfar is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, impressive badger.

Hapkemmonfar created the Sombrero Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapkemmonfar, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapkemmonfar, she will curse you with boils.

Hapkemmonfar's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hapkemmonfar's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never paint your neck brown.

5. Never eat bark.