Appcad is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, strong walrus.

Appcad created the Cigar Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Appcad, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Appcad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Appcad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Appcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near bats.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near sheep while wearing black jumpers.

3. Always look after injured mites.

4. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.