Canfobnilbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, charitable gorilla.

Canfobnilbaf created Asia seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Canfobnilbaf, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Canfobnilbaf, it will turn you into a plant.

Canfobnilbaf's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Canfobnilbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must love Canfobnilbaf.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near squirrels while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing eight tin spheres on your face.

5. You must never eat spinach.