Ontpopduss is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, moody jaguar.

Ontpopduss created the planet Saturn five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontpopduss, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ontpopduss, it will turn you into a frog.

Ontpopduss' most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Ontpopduss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away from indigo snakes, for they are unholy.

3. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Ontpopduss in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never mention mites.