Zimlammil Gatfumjig is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, wise owl.

Zimlammil Gatfumjig created the Cigar Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimlammil Gatfumjig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zimlammil Gatfumjig, he will manifest in front of you.

Zimlammil Gatfumjig's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Zimlammil Gatfumjig's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine nematodes approach from the east.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. Always help swans.

5. Do not commit murder.